3 WEEKS TO GO!!

Here's my second to last belly shot! I'll take one more the day we go to the hospital and that's that! I can't believe that I already only have 3 weeks, but at the same time I can't believe I still have 3 weeks! I feel soo ready to just have this baby and be done with this pregnancy! I feel like I've been so uncomfortable for so long that "feeling uncomfortable" is normal for me now...I can't wait to feel abnormal!

I also can't wait to know how I'm going to have this baby! I haven't posted about this, but I've been having ultrasounds TWICE a week for the last 6 or so weeks, and will continue to until he's born. (I tested positive for some ANA blood test they ran back in the first trimester, so now I'm considered "high-risk") So these ultrasounds have been fun to get a sneek peek of Xander but we're finding out he's going to be a BIIIG baby. He is already measuring at over 7 pounds, and I still have 3 weeks to go. No wonder I'm uncomfortable, huh? But anyway, I just wanna know what's going to happen. I don't neccessarily want a c-section, but will probably have one, but at the same time if I went into labor on my own, we'll try for a normal delivery (unless he's over 9 lbs, then we wont). So I just feel like maybe I can avoid the c-section, but maybe not. I just wanna know how he's going to be born so I can prepare myself for that! Yes, I realize that didn't make much sense.

Anyway, I'm just anxious to have him and meet him and see what he looks like and begin this crazy journey!!!!

30 Days Notice

I, the Landlord (Mommy), am issuing a notice for EVICTION. Tenant (Baby) will have to comply and promptly vacate the premises, or wait until authorization for removal by physician. After which, she will be removed from the property by c-section.

The Tenant (Baby) is being evicted due to breach of contract and destruction of property. Expansions only to the FRONT of the house, within reasonable limits, were discussed. Not only have these limits been exceeded, but additions to the back and sides of the house were also made without approval from the Landlord (Mommy).

Remodeling and gutting of the home was never approved, nor was changing the initial layout and base structure. Due to the damage by the Tenant (Baby), the foundation has been compromised, and the structural integrity of the house is questionable. The Landlord (Mommy) has also received numerous complaints about frequent nightly disturbances.

If the Tenant (Baby) does not comply with the notice it will result in an immediate and forceful removal at the discretion of a physician and the Landlord (Mommy)

****************************

Yes, it's true. I only have 30 days starting Sunday October 4 until this baby will be removed by c-section!!! CrAzY!!!!!!

18 Weeks 3 Days

Okay, so here's a belly shot. I'm not too excited about it (I don't look the best), but it'll be interesting to see how much bigger I am when I deliver. It scares me that I already look this big! I still have 22 weeks to go...

Oh, What The Heck!! Here's Some Excitement for you all!!!

Tough Times Ahead...

Well, it's no question that we're blessed. We have a wonderful little boy who we love more than life itself, we have a wonderful ward that we are in, good friends to spend time with, wonderfully reduced rent, and a Heavenly Father who loves us.

That being said, we found out some horrible news today. After realizing I was spotting earlier today, I called the doctors and let them know. They had me come in and they did another ultrasound. We were able to see the baby, but it no longer had a heart beat. The doctor measured it and it looks as though it stopped developing at around 9-10 weeks (I was 11 weeks, 2 days). This is very shocking, and I'm admittingly past feeling. I'm just so shocked, I think. I just can't believe it!! I had some nagging doubts/suspicions a few weeks ago but then they went away. I never really thought I would actually lose the baby!!!!

This whole experience has just been such a roller coaster ride!! The month of August was the month that we decided to not even think about getting pregnant, so imagine my surprise when on the last fews of August, I found out that I was pregnant!!!! It was just so unexpected and I was AMAZED that it finally happened!!!! So we were happy and excited. I waited and waited for my first appointment and it finally came. So we went and found out the hard news that it was possible we would lose it. We waited that 2 weeks until the next ultrasound where we found out we were indeed going to have a baby! We were just so shocked and amazed that the baby actually pulled through! We couldn't believe it! And now today....just saddness and unbelief.

When I think about it, I still feel as though it was a miracle. It just didn't add up. I should have lost this baby 6 weeks ago! But we believe that this spirit just needed these short 11 weeks and that was it. I don't know if this will be one of the opportunities of raising it in the Millenium or not, but I hope so. I have no idea the way these things work, but I do know that it lived as long as it needed to. It really must have been a very special spirit to only have to live 11 weeks.

I don't really know where to go from here. This is such a difficult struggle, but I am grateful for the knowledge of the gospel and for my husband's knowledge. I know that I have lots of friends around me who will help me out too, but it still will not be easy and will have its moments...I remember this from last time.

IT'S A MIRACLE!!!!!!!

So, we had our doctor appointment today and I got another ultrasound and this time, we actually saw something!!!!! I couldn't believe it! As soon as the ultrasound started I could immediately see that there was a baby and I saw a little flicker of a heart beat. We were, and still are, very amazed!!! We feel truly blessed and more encouraged to have increasing faith in our Heavenly Father.

The baby was measuring at 8 weeks and 1 day and had a heartbeat of 186 beats per minute. So everything is looking good. I figure that my due date is May 17, 2009. As I have said, we are just shocked. I think me more so than Nathan. He was the one who was having more faith, hope, and optimism this whole two weeks than I was.

When we first heard the news 2 weeks ago, I was really down. I was convinced that it was going to be a loss. I just didn't think there was any way for it to truly work out...the curse of too much knowledge (with anything baby/pregnancy related), I suppose. But as the weeks wore on and as my nausea has kept getting stronger, I was gaining more hope. I didn't want to have too much hope, just in case it didn't turn out like we wanted. I didn't want to be let down more than I needed to be. So when I saw that baby today I had just one thought in my mind: Miracle.

It was interesting to see our doctor today. Nathan and I could just see the surprise and excitement for us in his face. He walked in, handed me my little pack of preggo books, handouts, and information and said "Congratulations!" As we talked it became evident to him just how surprised we were about the progress of this pregnancy. He then told us that according to the notes he had written, he didn't believe it was going to be very successful either. I mean, he gave us a 90% chance of miscarriage!! The ultrasound technician even said that we had defied the odds! How exciting is that!!

We just feel VERY blessed to be having this baby. I feel like I have been waiting so long to finally be pregnant again and now, finally, after all this, I am!! I'm still quite nervous about the chance for miscarriage still, but I'm just going to continue having hope. It's nice to go back to the feelings we had 3 weeks ago and to just feel so confident about the success of this pregnancy and to know that everything will work out just as Heavenly Father intends it to.

Thank you also for all your support, prayers, and thoughts on our behalf. I can really feel the effects of them on my attitude and my outlook on the purpose of this trial. Thank you all soo much!! Words can not convey how truly blessed I feel and how grateful I am for this blog and for the friendships that I have been able to cultivate through it.

Thank you!!!

Another One???????? Is This Even Possible???

So, I had my first ultrasound today....We didn't learn much of anything good. They did the wonderful, invasive ultrasound only to see basically nothing. I'm supposed to be about 7 weeks or so and there was just a big, dark oval in the picture. The ultrasound tech. was very nice and very reassuring, as was the doctor. They both sounded as though they believed it was just too early. This is what we're all hoping for, but as Nathan and I consider this possibility, it doesn't seem likely.

We found out we were pregnant almost 3 weeks ago (it was on a Friday). If the theory that it's too early to see anything is accurate, that puts me at about 5, maybe 6 weeks pregnant. That sounds all fine and dandy until I consider that getting a positive result on a home preggo test at about 3, maybe 4 weeks pregnant is almost unheard of. It still happens, but rarely.

It was still nice to hear such positive remarks, as opposed to when I miscarried back in February/March when the doctor ended his optimistic remarks with a straight, "you're probably going to miscarry." This was something I did not hear at all today.

So the doctor gave us two options: We could take some blood today and then again in a few days to check the pregnancy hormone in my blood and see how much it multiplies. Or we could just wait it out for two weeks, see what happens, and come back in for another ultrasound to see if anything has grown. Nathan really wanted me to get my blood drawn, but he was also not the one getting stuck with a needle. When I considered how often my blood would have to be drawn if this did turn into a successful pregnancy, I quickly ruled out that option. So we're going back on Monday, October 6th for another ultrasound.

Meanwhile, Nathan and I are trying our darndest to be positive and optimistic. I'm praying for a revelation that will just let me know what will happen, preferably that I will have a wonderful baby in my arms by the end of May. I don't think that will happen, the revelation part I mean. I know I said this back in March, but I just thought we were done going through this mess!! Two miscarriages is enough for one family to have to go through! I'm not sure I know many, if any, people who have had to endure more than two. I also never imagined that I would have two back to back. That is probably the hardest for me. I just dealt with this 6 months ago!!!!! I'm ready for a baby. Our family is ready for a baby! We know there is one waiting for us if only my body will get it's act together and just GROW IT!!!!!!!!!

Sorry for this downer blog. I just really felt the need to write, and since this is basically my journal and our own personal family history in the making, this is where it all ends up. Here for the whole world to read!

We'll keep you updated, but if you can, please keep us in your prayers. This is a hard thing for me to ask. I feel really....uncomfortable asking for it, but I really feel that we need it. Not just for the pregnancy situation, but also Nathan's job search and other issues in our family/life. We're really going through a hard time right now and this is just compounding it all, we feel. We know this is just a trial and that it can't last forever, but until it's over, it sure is hard!!!

Anyway. I think I'm just going to post this before it gets even more mushy. Now go watch some clips of The Office or something on You Tube to forget about this depressing crud...I know that's what I'm going to do. Good night!

Fun Stuff

Pregnancy Update...not so good...UPDATE

If you haven't noticed, I have taken off the floating baby on my side bar and the other thing under it that would tell me what was happening with my baby on that day...well, I have and not at all because I've wanted to.

Nathan and I went to the doctors yesterday(Monday Feb. 25) because I had been spotting A TINY bit since Thursday. We're talking hardly at all and only 1 time a day. but I was still concerned and wanting to make sure everything would be just fine. We were not expecting what we found at all. After a pretty long wait (typical) at the office, we were finally able to get the ultrasound. There was hardly anything to see. It just looked like a little bubble and it wasn't even big enough to get a measurement with. I assume, because of that, it was only about 4 weeks or so...so anyway, it should have big enough to see an outline of a baby and I should have definitly have been able to see heartbeat. The doctor was being very optimistic, until he just flat out said that he thought it would turn into a miscarriage, and I think he's right. I hope we're all wrong, but only time will see. He's having me come in for blood tests to measure the amount of the pregnancy hormone in my blood and that will tell us if I am losing the baby...

We'll keep you updated, but it doesn't look good.

Friday March 7, 2008
Well, today we went to the doctor and he did another ultrasound and it looks like I have officially lost the baby. I figured that I had, and it was probably on Sunday night. It was a bit depressing to see that it was gone, but it gives me some hope. With the baby I miscarried before Michael was born, my body didn't get rid of the pregnancy and I had to have a D&C. And then when I was pregnant with Michael, I ended up being induced and had a c-section, becuase my body wasn't dilating. I didn't think that my body actually knew what to do!
So on Sunday night when I started to really cramp hard, I was a bit relieved! I am hopeful that because my body got rid of the pregnancy on it's own that it does know what to do and I just have to give it the time it needs. Hopefully when I get pregnant again and it's a successful and happy pregnancy I will not be induced and I will go into labor on my own. I guess only time will tell!!

Pregnancy...UH!!!!!!!

So today I am about 5 weeks and 5 days. On Monday I will be 6 weeks along and I have realized that I must not remember much about being pregnant with Michael. Everyday I think to myself, I was NOT this tired with Michael or I was not this SORE with Michael!!! Nathan insists that I was, but I don't know!!! We're getting more and more excited and nervous as each day goes by that I am still pregnant and still feelings symptoms. Nathan always says Yea!!! when I complain about something (which happens a lot) because he's just as nervous as I am and worried about losing the baby. We hav our first ultrasound scheduled for March 7th. It seems so far away but it was the closest date that would fit with my crazy schedule and the doctors crazy schedules. I noticed last night that the baby on the right on our blog has a beating heart! This got me really excited becuase I now know that if we were able to get an ultrasound soon, it should show a beating heart. I also read that the "baby" is about the size of a lentil bean!!! I can't believe it can be SOO small!!

Somehow this is not messing up my semester too bad. I'm taking 17 credits this semester and I might actually be able to pull off good grades. I took two tests this past week and they were both killer tests!! But I ended up doing really well on both! In one class I have two people telling me they want to study with me for the next test because I did so well. This is shocking to me since I do not consider myself a very good student at all (why else would it take me 7 years to graduate?). I know that I am really being blessed to be able to do this well and be pregnant and working and trying to spend time with family all at the same time!!!!

It's amazing what prayer and crying over a test will do!!!!!

FINALLY!!!!!!!

After feeling like everyone around me was getting pregnant and I still wasn't, it has finally happened!!!!!! We are really excited!! We just found out yesterday (Monday Feb. 4) and we're excited and really nervous. I did have a miscarriage about 3 years ago, so I still constantly worry about that, but we're excited. My due date will probaly be around Oct. 15 but we'll let you know what the doctor says in a few weeks.

And I know it's difficult to see the line, but it's there. I just keep telling myself: "a line is a line!!"