Small, Quick, Scattered Thoughts Update

Things are going fairly well here. My mom left early this morning, so we're on our own!!! I'm very nervous to be left alone with the two boys. It scares me to have to watch and take care of both of them. I just am not sure how well I'm going to spread between them.

It was so nice to have my mom here!! I haven't had to worry about making any meals, cleaning anything, entertaining Michael, I've done nothing...except taking care of Xander, of course! But that's all I've been in charge of. If Michael needed something, he'd just go to my mom. If Xander needed a diaper change, I could hand him off to her if I was running late for an appointment. This week has also been FULL of appointments that Nathan, me and Xander have had to go to. We haven't had to worry about babysitting for Michael because my mom was here. I just don't know how I'm going to handle everything! I suppose it's a good thing it's turning into winter around here and we're not going to be going anywhere too often.

On Thursday, November 12th, Nathan and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary!!! We can't believe that it's been 5 years already! It's gone by pretty fast, but then again it seems like it's been longer. We had a really nice evening. Nathan went to work for the first part of the day and came home around 2:00. Then we took off to Idaho Falls, leaving the boys with my mom, and ate a really nice restaurant down there. It was so nice to be together and not have to worry about anything. Then we drove back up to Rexburg and went to a movie. We saw "The invention of lying". It was pretty funny. It was a really nice date, the nicest date we've had in a long time!

The toughest thing about this first week at home with Xander has been figuring out eating. There is nothing, I think, about a newborn that is more frustrating than figuring out breastfeeding!!!!!!!!! When Xander was born, he weighed 7 pounds, 14 ounces. When we left the hospital, he was weighing 6 pounds, 15 ounces. Pretty scary to see that your child has lost a full pound!!!!! And this was a COMPLETE shock!! In the first 24 hours of his life, he had pooped 14 times!!! I think I already blogged about this, but oh well. You can read about it again. So it was a shock to see because we thought he was doing great. But nope, not so great! So we get home and he starts sleeping more, staying awake less, not latching on as well, and getting yellower. So I made a call into the lactation consultant at the hospital and she was able to fit us in. She said he wasn't sucking strong enough to eat enough, so he wasn't getting the calories he needed. She gave us a syringe and said to pump while he ate and then feed him about half an ounce with each feeding. We started seeing results by the next day! His face was filling out, he was pooping and peeing again (funny how your life can revolve around a diaper for the first few days of having a newborn!), and was looking more alert. So we went back to the consultant on Monday to check and see if what we were doing was working. They weighed him and he came in at 7 pounds, 3 ounces. So he had gained about 2 ounces a day!! Great news!!! And he was eating more and for a longer amount of time. So she was optimistic that things were going well and told us she wanted us to come back on Friday for a follow-up. She also said we didn't need to give him as many syringes, and to only give him 1 a day. So we did just that, and went back yesterday. Well, he didn't do as well. He now weighs 7 pounds, 6 ounces, so he only gained just less than one ounce a day. He should have been gaining a full ounce each day. So he wasn't gaining enough. And then to make it worse, I fed him, and after each side that he nursed on she weighed him. On one side he got just under an ounce, and the other he nursed only 5 minutes and got a third of an ounce. She said that at his age he should be getting close to 3 ounces of milk, and he had gotten just over an ounce. So this was very depressing for me! I feel like a failure!! I know, I know, it's not my fault. The consultant said there's only so much I can do. A lot of it is up to the baby to determine how well he nurses. But for some reason, I still feel like some of this is my fault. I know, it's irrational, but it's still how I feel. So now we're giving him a little bit more in a syringe each day and I'm taking some herbs to help boost my production. Right now he's going through a growth spurt, so hopefully that will help my production as well.

I just hate the first few weeks of having a new baby!! Nursing wasn't the easiest thing for me with Michael either, and eventually we got everything figured out. It's just the figuring out thing that's tough!!!!

So there's our not so quick and short update. I know that things will get easier. I know that Xander wont be this small forever and that he'll get better at eating. But while he is struggling with eating and while he is this small, life is sure tough!!!!

And, I want visitors! I want to show off my baby and have something to break up my day! So if you want to come by, please do so! I would love it!